Are you kidding?

This from today's Daily Mail.

I don't know if you've been following this story or not - but roughly summarized, a nurse has got into trouble for praying for a patient - the implication being, the prayer may offend the patient if they're of another religious denomination or perhaps agnostic or atheist.

The fact the patient wasn't remotely offended seems to have been brushed aside by the do-gooders, with the nurse in question facing suspension and possibly even dismissal for breaching regulations by praying.

Now a wave of support for the nurse has grown with medical and religious bodies rallying behind her cause.

As health chaplains called for new NHS guidelines over spiritual care, the Christian Medical Fellowship said Caroline Petrie's removal amounted to 'religious discrimination'.

OK, look, for my money you get nut jobs on either side of the divide - people who can't, or simply won't look at a situation from anybody else's point of view at all. Ever.

But the broader truth, as far as I can tell, is this - people of religious denominations other than Christianity aren't offended by Christians practising their faith. They're offended by the fact a Christian society appears to think so little of it they're willing to suspend a nurse who cares about her job and her patients, simply for being one.

What shall we do with the GRUMPY PIRATE????

I’m surprised anyone has the time in their day or the inclination to do this....honestly.

A charity has removed all references to alcohol from the classic song "What Shall We Do With The Drunken Sailor?" 

Government-funded Bookstart changed the 1891 sea shanty’s main character from drunken sailor to an updated version. 

Libraries across Britain have been sent revised song sheets to now include "What Shall We Do With The Grumpy Pirate."  

Oh oh oh....but wait - hang on.....don’t you think that might offend some pirates...I’m sure not all of them are grumpy. Captain Jack always looks fairly happy regardless of circumstance. 

Also.....whilst we’re on the subject.....I know the song asks what shall we do with the grumpy pirate “early in the morning”. Don’t you think there’s the dangerous potential there for other

day-parts to question their own value, and possibly fall into a deep self-loathing as a result?

Afternoon might be so depressed it would never get up out of bed, and where would the day be then?

Just a thought. I wouldn’t want anything catastrophic to happen. 

It’s just songs are such a serious issue.

 

You know what? That makes me mad.

In the newspaper here, a council is threatening families with £100 fines if they put their wheelie bins out too early. 

I don’t know about you....but nearly everyone round my way puts the things out the night before...despite the fact the council notes said ...before 7.30am on the day of collection. 

I actually do hang off and do it then, and all I get for my trouble is dirty looks from people for making so much noise wheeling the thing out onto the road so early.

Anyway....this has been done because a growing number of arsonists and thieves are targeting the bins. 

Similarly households could face penalties if they leave their bins out too late. 

That’s just not workable. 

What’s too late? An hour after they’re collected? 

Most people have gone to work. 

What are you supposed to do? 

Hey here’s a thought.....why not catch the people responsible, and fine them. 

That’s just moronic. 

It’s not difficult, is it. 

That’s like saying...you robbed that house...I’m going to arrest the person you burgled for owning a home. 

Nuts.

Dive dive dive

From the press today...."Throwing bread to the ducks is the simple sort of pleasure that parents love to pass on to their children, but now experts are throwing cold water over the practice." 

What?

WHY? 

Ever seen any ducks keel over and cark it after you’ve thrown them a bit of loaf ???? 

This had better not be about carbs.

Honestly....just when you think the world’s run out of stupid warnings to issue.....taa daa. 

Don’t feed ducks bread, it’s dangerous. They’ve probably got a manual sized dissertation on the whole process as well, the Muppets. 

As long as I can roll it up and beat them about the head with it, fair enough. 

Just to stay on topic....I won’t be leaving their vicinity until they’re well Daffied.

Never did I think I would use the phrase - big pears a problem

A council's threatened to cut down several pear trees because of the risk posed by their unusually large falling fruit.

Council members say the trees grew fruit the size of cricket balls last year, but are now a hazard to residents of Islington in north London.

I’ve never had a problem with pear drops.

Do you think these people get to sleep at night for worrying……cos I don’t think they even get to bed.

They’re probably measuring the incline and height of each step on their staircase to see if they pose a risk to users.

Christmas Health Warning

The latest health warning today is that millions of people could be allergic to Christmas trees.

Allergy specialists believe that fir trees are behind the annual surge in wheezing, runny eyes, rashes and headaches….and add…those allergic to mould should not keep live Christmas trees for more than a couple of days.

And that’s what causes the headaches and the ill feeling.

Wow. I’d always put that down to polishing off an entire vat of plonk and eating enough to keep Wales going.

Silly me. It was that blooming tree all along.

Actually….you know what….here’s a thing.

As far as safety goes….do you think we should cancel Christmas altogether?

I mean …come on….Fat Pensioner ….with no luminous bib….out driving …icy conditions….in the middle of the night with a badly packed load….and no doubt a few egg-noggs the worse for wear.

How…in all seriousness can we claim to be a safe society?

I don’t know how you can sleep at night.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

The Doctor will see you.......sometime

It’s always the way isn’t it?

You make a doctor’s appointment for something….and by the time you get an appointment….whatever it is, has either gone, or isn’t half as bad as it was…and you feel like a fraud when you walk in.

I had an appointment booked in for yesterday for a sore shoulder….which cleared up…so I tried to call in the morning to cancel, and it was one of those computerised options….you know…."press 1 for halitosis", 1, "Eeeuuuuhhhh you’ve got manky breath."

Now I cursed myself because I was using one of the other phones in the house which is an antique bell telephone.

If you ever watch something like Poirot or Miss Marple…and they’re in an old fashioned hotel where the butler brings out a big black rotary dial telephone on a silver platter for the guest to take the call…..it’s one of them. They’re great…but of absolutely no use whatsoever when you’re asked to press 1 on your phone. It just kept playing through the options…..and it was only then hat I heard it.

"Thank you for calling the surgery…in order to assist us directing your call please listen to the following options carefully. If your call is regarding appointments…please press 1. If you are phoning for test results or to speak to a nurse…please press 2….if you are calling in an emergency….please press 3.

IN AN EMERGENCY!!!

Can you imagine…."Oh damn ….press 3…." ....you’re already holding the phone with the hand you didn’t lose in the accident….whilst trying to stem the flow of blood with your teeth.